My Leica

Megan Markle has a better chance of getting an extra roll of toilet paper from the queen for Frogmore than I do getting a Leica.

I’d like to buy a Leica.
I have the money to buy a Leica.
I will never buy a Leica.

Why?
Because then all hope is lost.

I live on hope.
I take shit pictures and hope that the next camera will reverse this 15 year trend.
A Leica would reveal me to be the half-blind, hack picture-taker that I am. Without hope.

So I bought a Fujifilm x100v.
After buying a Fujifilm x100t.
I am a fool.

The x100t failed to improve my skills but did make me happy because I took two good photos.
My wife, who is a skilled photographer, pointed and said “Take a picture of that”.
I did and now I have two good photos.
One in jpeg and one in RAW, whatever that is.

Now I want to be really happy - like Hubert Humphrey was happy.
If you remember Hubert Humphrey then you are old and remember when cameras didn’t have menus.
Cars had fins, Nescafe was considered coffee and Doris Day was hot. I’m not sure about Doris Day.


The x100v also looks great with a Kazo leather case.
I set it up so I don’t need to use the menus.
I never use the menus anyway.


When Apple was a computer company they had a set of rigid software menu standards for developers.
Every app worked the same.    You didn’t need a manual. The software was intuitive like a hammer.
Now Apple is a phone and social justice company and their software is shit. See iTunes.


Boring like the old, white guys hiding their bellies with untucked buttondown shirts trying to look cool.
Hyping retread projects (‘It comes in red - cool!’) to 25 year old employees who don’t give a $hit.
I worked on the Mac SE and Mac II and seeing Apple products today is like watching a lost generation.
10 years, a decade, with nothing to show for it except ‘driving shareholder value’ or whatever they call greed now.


Back to my Fujifilm x100v.
Sure they bent over and put a touch, fold-down screen on it.
But you can set it up pretty much like a Leica and never touch it.


I think I have a Leica.
I know I am lying to myself.
This isn’t the first time I have lied to myself.


I can drop my x100v four times, replace it and still not equal the amount I would pay for a Leica.
That’s four times I don’t have to deal with German customer service.
That’s worth a lot if you have ever dealt with German customer service.


German: “If you let us invade these four countries we will leave you alone.”
French guy: “You have bad weather, ugly women and bad food.”
German: “All we want is Poland.”
French guy: “Fine. I trust you.”
German: “Want to buy a camera?”


I could be wrong about the x100v. I know I am right about the Germans.
I didn’t read the manual other than trying to figure out how to thread the strap on the camera.
I finally gave up and let Gordie do it with a wrist and hoop thingie.

I am happy and look good carrying the dropable Leica look-alike.
I have not taken a good photo yet.
I use my iPhone for that.


I do have hope and will never buy a Leica.
Germans have no hope.
They will always have bad weather, ugly women and bad food.