Cheating at photography
I do not cheat at photography.
I cheat at a golf.
It’s complicated.
I like to tell people “I don’t cheat at golf because if you cheat at golf you will cheat in life….”
I said, It’s complicated.
Tiger goes to the range for two hours before playing and is fluid and dialed-in for every shot.
I get out of the car, pop an Advil and start swinging like Maximus in Gladiator.
Russel Crowe.
What a voice. What a waste of talent.
He was going to be the next Sean Connery but became the next John Candy.
He should have stayed with his first wife.
I should have stayed with my first camera.
I got side-tracked. We are talking about cheating at photogrpahy.
That is stealing someone else’s style or photographs as your own.
I think that is fine. We can move on.
That is like ‘Mulligans’ in golf.
Everyone does it. Everyone denies it.
I don’t. I do it.
Since Tiger had 2 hours to warm up and I just got out of the car I get unlimited shots off the first tee.
And every tee and ground shot after that. Including putts.
I have tossed my ball out of the sand near the cup.
It would be there if I had more time to practice so why waste time and penalise me?
I once shot an 80 on a ‘golf course’ in South Dakota with sand greens.
“Get down! Stick! Wow - that stuck. I can’t see the ball. I need a sand wedge to putt.”
The course was part of a country bar ‘s requirement for getting a license. They needed a golf course.
Sand greens are easier to take care of. It was a shit law.
It’s not cheating.
It’s about fairness in life.
To me.
Like Maximus in Gladiator I know the the outcome of my golf will be bloody and unpredictable.
Like Russel Crowe’s hotel stays.
I also cheat at other little things.
If there is a better piece of grass I move my ball to it. Even if it is next to the cup.
If there is a bit of burnt grass between me and the hole when I am putting I move my ball to within 1 foot of the hole.
That’s a ‘hazard’ or some shit.
If I miss the putt I re-do it.
I would have made it but the Advil has affected my vision. Adverse effects.
Why should I be penalised?
If you can make up your own gender then I can make up my own rules.
Don’t judge me.
I make my own rules.
I recently played golf with my son at the exclusive Armegedon and Paintball golf course.
It’s a real golf course but I am protecting it’s location so everyone doesn’t run out there and ruin it.
You have to hit between the tractor tires and be careful no one is inside with a paintball gun.
It costs $20. For 9, 18, 27 or 36 holes.
It’s pretty quiet after 2 PM unless they are playing paintball.
“Clear!!! Got your back! Coming for you! Get down! Medic! “
Medic?
It’’s a delightful course with beautiful trees and just a few hazmat warnings.
The hazmat warning seem innocent compared to the internal damage I have already done to myself.
It’s now established that I cheat at golf and I don’t care.
I don’t cheat at photography.
Maybe I am missing a significant opportunity.
The only reasons to cheat at photography is to impress people, win contests or feed your weak ego.
I got off on camera clubs somehow.
It does seem like a significant opportunity.
I could download, dodge a little, burn a little, crop a little on the bottom where that annoying copyright thing is and … I’m a photographer!
I could wear jackets with pockets to my knees, talk in solemn tones at dinner parties of war, starving children and orphans.
”All helpless children and women die sometime. It was their time. Can’t get personally involved.”
”I wanted to help the child but then we both would have lost our arms. Can’t get personally involved.”
”I wanted to warn him about the mine but I dropped my lens cap and he was blind. Can’t get personally involved.”
Photoprick..
Choke on your olives.
Can’t get personally involved.
Best of all I could impress people with my skill, emotional depth and sensitivity.
Unfortunately I don’t have skill, emotional depth or sensitivity.
Can’t get personally involved.
Maybe paintball is my thing.
I could be a medic.
Medic?