Mini me

I was a minimalist before it was cool.
I traveled with everthing I owned in the back of my 1975 VW convertible.
I lived in it for 6 months when gas was $.24 a gallon before the Arabs went to business school.


My clothes were simple.
My needs were simple.
I was simple.


My motto was ‘no kids, no pets, no debts’.


It’s no surprise to me that I am going back to my roots photographically speaking.


I got into photography 15 years ago.    
That was about the time that photography was dying.
Trends are my friends.


Before that I thought photographers were introverted, queer people with safari jackets.
Hiding in the bushes with cameras and to be avoided.
Now I know they are and should be.


My first camera was a Pentax istDL that I carefully researched for 3 minutes on the advice of a college student working for beer money at a failing camera store next to Harris Teeter, which was a failing grocery store.
Isn’t that how everyone buys cameras?


It was the best camera I ever had giving me joy and great photos around the world.


It was simple, with a simple menu and took wonderful photos.
What a concept.
Pentax wisely discontinued it before customers expected more of the same.


I realised taking great photos and having fun was not enough.
I bought a Pentax k10, k7, k5, k50, Fujifilm x10, x20, Canon Rebel, Fujifilm x100t and Fujifilm x100v.
I hope my wife isn’t reading this. She can add.


I had gear.
I had glass.
I had no fun.


You know the drill.
Women buy shoes.
Men buy cameras, cars, golf clubs and guns.
I knew what I was doing with cars, golf clubs and guns.


The magic was gone with camera #2 and almost dead until the x100t when I finally took 2 good pictures. 
My wife, who is a skilled photographer, told me where to aim.
The camera was on automatic.


Please don’t add up the dollars for my gear and divide it by 1.    
I already did that and it looks like NASA’s budget for not-really-going to the moon.
Stanley Kubrick… Never mind. No one listens.


What happened?
I will tell you.
That is why I am here.


Simplicity and joy, which are essential to hobbies was replace by computer work, which is what I do every day.


It turned my fun time into more work time.
I need more work time like Prince Harry needs a coupon for 23andme.
(Harry - the anchor is set. You don’t have to go down with the ship.)


People with dreadful lives, wives like trolls and tats on their knuckles became photographic pundits.
They started blogs and Youtube channels, got paid and became photo pricks.
Only fools listen to them and I have limited my time to no more than 6 hours per day.


They and the hate organizations known as camera clubs took the joy out of what should be a wonderful hobby.


The camera companies finished the job with endless new models, features we will never use, deep and complicated menus, complexity, expense and bad to non-existent service if anything ever goes wrong.


Every camera that I have ever had was better than I needed.
I'm a loser and now know it.
I should have stayed with the Pentax istDL.


I have a black and white photo of the pyramids, which was taken by my wife in 1981.
We were touring the mid-East just after Sadat was shot because the timing was good.  
Machine guns everywhere, searches on buses in the middle of the night, no tourists.
No one in the pyramids! Is it always like this?
Life was wonderful.


The photo is black and white and, of course, from an analog camera without menus.
You changed the film if you wanted to go from color to black and white and reverse.
Just like you change gender now.


The photo is rich in detail, expressive and takes me to the moment when I got on Whiskey Sour the camel.
And jammed my nuts against the wooden saddle horn with my wife jammed behind me for an excruciating 15 minute ride.


”You like pyramids. I give you piece of Sphinx. My son is a doctor in New York. You give me tip? ”
Only if he is a urologist.


Can they not make a camera like that again with all the technology that supposedly took us to the moon?
Then again they did lose 700+ boxes of photos and ‘evidence’ and haven’t been back since.
Did they forget the way? I can see the moon from my house.
Stanley Kubrick… Never mind. No one listens.


What about the radiation belt, not enough water, the cold, the heat?
I wasn’t in the high school honour society.
I do understand cold, heat and lack of water.
I lived in South Dakota.


And remember how depressed the astronauts were at the press conference?
They looked like they got caught peeping into the girls locker room. 


The camera I want is minimal.
Like the film camera that I took glowing photos of my children with, which was a Brownie something.
I had my film developed at the drug store where the housewives bought anti-depressants and speed shopped.
I only used the best professional film services for my work.


I crave the simple life.
Machine guns, bad hotels, assassinations and a Brownie camera.
Is anyone listening?