Me and Andy

Andy Mumford is one of my favorite photographers.


He is the Paul Newman of landscape photography and lives in Lisbon in a minimalist apartment.
He can put you into a theta state with his calm, intelligent dialogue.
He is married to an Italian countess, drives a Ferrari and has been banned from the casino in Monaco.


I could be wrong about that.
Being wrong is part of my workflow.


Andy hikes for miles into the vast winter wastelands to take photos in conditions that would kill Bear Grylis.
He leads photographic tours for losers with cameras like me.
Andy could die out there.


Bear Grylis is not going to die. Under any conditions.
He has a support team of ex-SEALS, SAS commandos, surgeons and baristas that keep his guests alive.
Gwenyth Paltrow is not going to die of exposure.
She will live. Or else her lawyers will teach Bear exactly what fear is.


Andy will die alone from exposure like a man without Gwenyth Paltrow’s vagina candles to keep him warm.


Andy doesn’t know me and would be horrified if he knew I knew his name much less mentioned him.


He is the reason I bought my Fujifilm X-T2 and put my Pentax K5 in a box.


Andy uses the Fujifilm X-T2 and every other variation of the X-Tsomething.
He travels light and eco-friendly on the earth with two lenses the 10-24 and 55-200.
He takes all his amazing photos using these lenses, which I can afford.
It was a trap.


I now have the same camera and lenses Andy does.
I reasoned that I should be able to take photos like Andy.
My photos are shit.


I could stand next to Andy with the same settings and release the shutter at the same instant and.
My photos would be shit.
They always are. It’s part of my skillset.


I bought the gear after listening to Andy’s videos about the x-t2.
“Light to carry. Can carry it all day in freezing Iceland eating nothing but eco-kelp to save the earth.”
”Up at 5AM to hike to the photo shoot on a freezing mountain top while the locals are all sleeping in warm beds".”
”Traded my pro Nikon gear for it.”


That sounds like me.
“Weight means nothing to me because I take photos out of the car window.”
“I don’t do sunrises because it interferes with my coffee and I don’t do sunsets because it interferes with my glass of Molly Dooker Shiraz under the stars .” The rest of my day is open except for lunch and naps.
“I didn’t have any pro gear to trade because I am shit photographer”.


Be like Andy.
I wanted to take the camera out of the error equation as a reason for my miserable shit photos.
Andy does it with the same gear I have and therefore I theoretically should be just like Andy without excuses.


Bad idea.
I need excuses.
My photos are shit.
Now I have no excuses.


I took 800 photos at Doubtful Sound in New Zealand and they are all shit.
I can’t blame it on the scenery.
It didn’t move.
It does the same thing every day.


I really wanted 5-10 but honestly got none, which is statistically zero


No. I did not save the 800 raw files.
I already humiliated myself to you in print.
Why should I do it in two formats? Is this UN?


I’ve tried hard to take some photos that were at least as good as my iPhone and old Pentax cameras.
No.
They all look like shit.


The sky is either washed out or the land looks like it was painted with varnish.
I could dodge and burn and maybe get something out of it but damn.
This camera should be as good as my iPhone, 2002 Pentax istDL and crap Canon point-and-shoot.


All my photos are shit and I still admire Andy Mumford who takes not-shit photos.


I think about it a lot since I have a lot of time not post-processing my 800 photos.


I’m a ‘slider’ one of the those people that walk under steet lights and they go out one after another.
Computers freeze or fail when I am agitated and things electrical quit following the rules.


Maybe this is why my photos are shit.
Perhaps my bodily electric field interfers with the camera electronics.
I think that is likely.
No one can take 800 bad photos on automatic.


I love Andy and have his site on my bookmarks so I always know when a video comes out.
I know if I had Andy’s non-electric body I could take photos like him.
I’m pretty confident of that.


Andy was right about the x-t2.
It is a light camera and not a problem to carry.
I put it in the closet.